Red Convertible (FW)

We are finally in our last High School semester, however, like many topics, senior graduation is one of those emotional moments I've tried long and hard to keep shoved and hidden deep in my thoughts. I don't want to think about it! It's such a bitter sweet moment because all my years prior to graduation I've gone through each dreaded class praying for school to be over and now its slowly approaching and I don't even wanna grow up anymore. I usually don't allow myself to think too deeply about life after college because I know how much of an emotional wreck I am, but writing my feelings down feel less depressing. 

These past few months have raised many questions. What college should I go to? could I afford these schools? would I like it? The decision I will be making in a month or so, is a decision that could practically rule over my future. The hardest part for me has been choosing out of the pool of schools that have accepted me. I am  afraid of choosing the wrong school and ending up miserable and homesick. However, my thirst to dive in to the unknown is stronger than my pessimistic thoughts.

Another topic that saddens me is leaving behind family, friends and the one guy I hold dear to my heart. I mean I obviously intend to visit my family and friends, but leaving behind a significant other seems pretty difficult right now although  possible. It's like you go through all your years of high school imagining some type of "teenage sweetheart" love story (like that of Faith Hill and Tim McGraw's) that would continue after high school, but then senior year comes and reality smacks you HARD in the face, or maybe that was just my mom, but whatever the case, you begin to lose faith in most of the dreams you once had because you have to think "realistic". Dreams of dying your hair red and driving a red convertible car and moving to Chicago and changing your name to Natasha, all of which were dreams of an 8 year old Jaylene unaware of the limitations life had already set out to stop her. And I know you're thinking, well you still can do all of those things like dye my hair or move to Chicago, but other dreams and ideas have taken the place of those now foolish wishes.